


A Friend In Need

by MuscleMemory



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Coda to 212, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-15 18:42:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11236926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuscleMemory/pseuds/MuscleMemory
Summary: Raphael finds Magnus after what happened in ep 12.His brain has been so wired he barely registered that Magnus hasn’t said a single word, hasn’t even moved.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of a prompt on Tumblr. Thanks to my wonderful Parabeta Alyxhavok for the help!

He’s been trying to reach Magnus since last night, assuming that he’s been with his boyfriend, and when the sun finally set today he came over right away, safe in the knowledge that Lightwood is back at the institute.

If he crosses this family again any time soon, he will definitely commit murder. Especially after what happened with Simon and Isabelle yesterday. He feels a kind of wrath he hasn’t for the longest time, no one threatens his family and gets away unscathed – and yet, those goddamn wolves got in his way – Garroway needs to stop playing daddy for these insolent kids – or do a much better job of it.

He feels conflicted going with this to Magnus, but after losing Ragnor, he really doesn’t have anyone else to go to. He feels a jolt of pain twitching inside his chest he usually suppresses successfully, but thinking about his dead friend so suddenly, he feels cutting anger flaring inside him with an exuberance.

Raphael pauses, his brow knitted as he observes the ward of protection shielding Magnus’ door. He calls out to him, tries his phone again, and finally gives up, jumps out of the window and climbs around the building quickly to get to Magnus’ balcony.

Thankfully he finds his friend standing on it, gazing out over the city lights. Raphael feels slightly relieved, not used to Magnus ignoring his calls for so long.

He lands on the stone surface effortlessly and dives into a detailed recollection of recent events, strewn with Spanish swear words.

“…and I know you’re fond of these Shadowhunters and this annoying vampire, but honestly, Magnus, they went too far, and - Magnus?”

His brain has been so wired he barely registered that Magnus hasn’t said a single word, hasn’t even moved.

Raphael steps closer and leans forward to fully look at his friend’s face. He looks drawn, his eyes dull, shocking the vampire into alertness.

“Magnus, what happened?”

Magnus blinks, his clouded vision visibly lifting somewhat as he seems to focus on Raphael. He just stares at him for a long moment, then casts his eyes downward, finally moving, turning away from him.

He seems smaller, moving as if his limbs are dragging him, weighing him down, missing his usual grace and vitality. His hair isn’t styled, he’s not wearing any makeup, the paint on his fingernails is chipped.

Raphael can’t remember ever seeing him like this, that jaded look in his eyes burned into his mind.

“Magnus, please tell me what happened… is it Alec? Did he do something?”

Raphael can’t think the Shadowhunter would break up with Magnus, not even one of them could be this audacious and downright demented, but what could leave his friend this… broken?

He watches as Magnus slowly shakes his head, the single motion seemingly taking up too much strength.

Raphael is starting to feel his confidence ebbing away, giving space to fear and worry.

He approaches him instinctual cautiously, a sick feeling gnawing at him when he sees the stricken look in his friend’s eyes this time, as if his worst nightmare took physical shape and has been haunting him relentlessly.

Raphael stops dead suddenly, Magnus exuding such torment it’s palpable like something he could reach for and grasp.

“A greater demon switched me with Valentine, our bodies, and no one believed it was me. They tortured me… it was so awful… I…”

“Dios mío!” Raphael chokes out, shocked to his core, not wanting to believe it, but seeing Magnus in such a state is all the evidence his mind needs to comprehend the gravity of his dismay. No one believed him? Not even Alec? His mind is flooded with questions but they’ll have to wait.

He takes a step closer, his arms swaying lightly, afraid to do the wrong thing, hurt his friend more somehow. He doesn’t know what to do, what would be the right thing, his insecurities in this situation eating at him, and yet he’s cursing himself for not having come sooner, not having realized, cursing everyone for not having said a single word. How did no one tell him about this? He had had no idea at all about what was happening, too busy with his quarrel with Simon, which he can’t take lightly, but compared to what Magnus has been through, seems barely significant.

Raphael watches helplessly as Magnus’ face distorts in agony, the torture in his eyes boring straight into him. He gasps as his friend leans against his solid body and clings to him, leaving him paralyzed for a long moment, fighting his own discomfort and awkwardness this abrupt physical contact is giving him.

After a while his arms slowly come around Magnus as he feels his body shaking with quiet sobs, suppressing his own uneasiness in favor of spending comfort to a dear friend who has been through unimaginable hell. He remembers the torture Aldertree put him through all too clearly, and yet he’s sure what Magnus was forced to endure was unspeakably worse.

He closes his eyes, wishing he could ease some of Magnus’ stifling pain, damning everyone who had a hand in his ordeal, promising revenge – no one hurts his family and gets away unharmed. But first he’s going to be there for Magnus for as long as, and in any way he’ll need him to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation, this time it's Raphael x Magnus, Raphael x Alec, Malec, as I see and feel it, hope someone might enjoy it, too :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forever thankful to my wonderful Parabeta <3 <3 <3

He takes Magnus inside, sits with him on the couch and waits until he has quieted down. 

“How did they find out it was you and not that mass murderer?”

Magnus leans his back into the couch, his hands in his lap, his fingers tangled together, looking ahead. 

“He took Jace hostage and… Alec found out just before… Just… Before the Inquisitor slit my throat.”

Raphael curses for a moment, closing his eyes. Magnus could be dead and he wouldn’t have known. How is any of this possible?

“I don’t believe this. I didn’t even know a greater demon could do that. Why?”

Magnus sighs meekly. “He wanted what everyone wants, the Mortal Cup.”

Raphael presses his lips together tightly, anger rising inside him again. "I wish it were destroyed and those godforsaken Shadowhunters with it.”

Magnus looks up at him pained and he bites his tongue. “I’m sorry, they’re just more trouble than worth it most of the time. But at least Alec did save you.”

Magnus is silent and the strange, depleted look on his face makes Raphael frown. “Didn’t he?”

Magnus stays silent, his face taut, he nods vaguely.

“OK, what aren’t you telling me, Magnus?”

Another long silence ensues and Raphael is feeling pinpricks spreading all over him as he doesn’t dare to move, waiting anxiously.

Magnus’ shoulders slump a little more finally before he speaks. “I thought he’d believe me, I thought I could get through to him, that he would see me even inside that monster… But he didn’t… He couldn’t. He was torn but not torn enough. I… It’s not his fault, I was Valentine in his eyes… Mastermind manipulator. I just thought… He would…”

He closes his eyes, lips pressed together tightly, tears falling as his throat constricts. Raphael is shocked into silence, trying to comprehend what this means, for Magnus, for them… Will there even be a them anymore? If he was sure of one thing it was that Alec Lightwood loved Magnus, for real, but maybe they were wrong. And he wants to be so very mad at the Shadowhunter, curse him, hunt him down, hurt him… And yet he can’t understand why all he feels is despair and a terrible sadness. For Magnus, his friend, his family, the person who has always been there for him in times of need, who gave him a life and his faith back, made him who he is, made him stronger and kinder, too. Magnus, who deserves that love he’s always wanted, always searched for deep down. He thought he’d found it in Lightwood.

He’s quiet, trying to comprehend, trying to figure out what there is to do. What could be done. He puts an arm around Magnus and holds him a little tighter. He wishes, more than ever, that Ragnor were here, he’d know what to say to make it even a fraction better. “Does Catarina know?”

He feels the weak shake of Magnus’ head. “You should tell her, she needs to know, she’ll know how t-“ "Fix me?” His tone is bitter and he pulls away from Raphael. “I don’t need anyone to try and fix me… I need… To feel like myself again… Whoever that used to be. I need to look into the mirror and not see his face, I need to look at my hands and not think about him using them, my magic, for his vicious means. I need to feel safe in my own space, my own bed, my own body. I need to forget the way Alexander looked at me… His eyes were so… Cold and cruel.“ He pauses, shaking it off. “I need to see something else than my dead mother staring at me when I close my eyes. I need to forget, just forget.”

Raphael’s been feeling more and more worried the louder and more desperate Magnus’ voice became, the misery in his eyes palpable, suffocating.“ I’m sorry, Magnus, so sorry.”

Magnus deflates into himself, his hands trembling as he shakes his head and catches his breath. “It’s not your fault, it’s no one’s fault… I was a fool to believe I could hold a greater demon, and I was a fool to believe that the love of my life could miraculously save me despite all the odds against me. This isn’t a fairytale and I’m the greatest fool who just doesn’t get it.”

Raphael watches helplessly as his friend storms off into his bedroom and shuts the door with a bang that Raphael feels reverberating inside his gut which feels as if it’s trying to rid itself of its contents of the last days. He feels utterly helpless, soon turning to wrath which he can handle a lot better. But he stays sitting there. Until he hears a voice calling out Magnus’ name.

Raphael doesn’t hesitate, a second later he’s at the door, slamming it open and grabs the intruder by the collar, knocking him against the wall. “What do you still want here? You’re not welcome anymore, Shadowhunter, you hurt him enough. You never deserved him and I should kill you right now.”

He snarls viciously, the pain and defencelessness he feels overpowering him, edging him on to go through with his threat.

Alec just stares at him, shocked but quiet. He’s barely trying to get out of Raphael’s grip, and as much as the vampire hates it, it surprises him. Insecurity is spreading within him. He watches Alec swallow, opening and closing his mouth. His eyes are full of contradictory emotions Raphael can’t follow, but above everything he sees the guilt, the hopelessness and helplessness he feels partly himself.

He growls and pushes him again against the wall, then let’s go and turns away, walking back inside. He can hear the Shadowhunter’s timid footsteps behind him.

“Where’s Magnus?”

Raphael turns and glares at him, crossing his arms before his puffed up chest. “He’s resting, he’s been through hell because of you and your clan of imbecile bastards.”

Alec can’t hold his gaze, his eyes falling to the floor and Raphael takes a proper look at him. What he sees annoys him even more. He wants the Shadowhunter to fight back, to get angry, maybe even to try and punch him, so he can let go of his own rage.

Instead he seems timid, hunched, pale and withdrawn, his fingers twitching and rubbing. It rattles Raphael more than it should.

“Why are you here?” He presses out through clenched teeth, his jaw tight, every muscle taut.

Alec glances up at him, then at the bedroom door. “I can’t be anywhere else.”

Raphael scoffs. “So what, now you’re sorry? Now that it’s spectacularly late and you almost killed-”

Alec’s face distorts in anguish. “Stop! Please, just… I know what I’ve done, I know I can’t make it up to him, I just… Need to be here, in any way he wants me to… I, I can’t lose him… And believe me or not, you couldn’t hate me more than I hate myself.”

Raphael gives him a look of disdain then turns away slightly. He really hates him. He really does, and even if Magnus doesn’t blame him, he does.

“I know I should have trusted him, trusted my own instincts more… I was… It was such an impossible situation… Everything spoke against it… I have no way of fixing it, but it’s all I want, it’s all I’ll try for the rest of my life, and if it’s not enough… I just… I need to be here with him, please.”

Raphael turns back to him surprised, their eyes interlocking. The plea and deep desperation in the Shadowhunter’s eyes freeze Raphael for a moment. He looks away, sighs and nods curtly.

Alec sits down on the couch and stares ahead, his fingers clasped tightly. They stay like this for a little while, quiet with their own thoughts.

“I talked to my sister, I know what she and Simon did and I’m sorry, she won’t pull something like that again. She’s sorry, and she’s been through a lot…”

Raphael startles as Alec suddenly speaks and he didn’t expect any of this. Old anger flares to the surface he barely swallows down. “Which is partly my fault, too, but she needs to stay out of mine and Simon’s business.”

He shoots him a cold, calculated look, feeling slightly calmer when he sees Alec nod. “I hope you took at least revenge on that monster.”

Alec looks up at him, presses his lips together once and looks down again. “I can’t, that’s out of my hands.”

Raphael scoffs. “You’re all pathetic.”

“Trust me, I want to…” Alec tries to defend himself weakly.

“But you only go against the rules when it suits you, we know.” Raphael snarls with contempt, watching Alec stand, his arms fallen to his sides.

“Look, I can’t change what happened, I would in a heartbeat if I could, I would take it from him, be the one strapped in that chair, in that body… I would do anything to undo what we did. It’s killing me that I can’t, that he’s the one who suffers because of Valentine, because of my people… Because of me. It’s killing me and if you know how to make it better, tell me, I’ll do it, whatever it is.”

Raphael hesitates, wanting nothing more than to hurt him, put him in his place and make him feel worse… But something holds him back and he doesn’t know why. Maybe the way this whole conversation went, maybe the way the Shadowhunter’s eyes bore into him with a kind of intensity he’s never quite seen before, his voice laced with an unforgiving, undeniable truth. Actions speak louder, but Alec’s words have gotten to him somehow.

“You can’t fix this, no one can.”

They jump and turn towards the bedroom, staring at Magnus who appeared without making a sound before he spoke. He looks anything but rested, merely a different kind of exhausted. He’s not looking at them, but to the ground.

“I’m sorry we disturbed you.” Raphael says, his features and voice much softer now.

He glances at Alec and feels surprised at the unimpeded emotions shining in his glistening eyes, tethered to Magnus as if he couldn’t look anywhere else ever again. It seems as if he’s forcefully holding himself back from bolting towards Magnus, as if that’s all he wants to do, knowing he mustn’t.

Raphael falters, feeling unsure. Maybe he does love him. Maybe horrible things happen no matter what, and the true challenge and meaning begins afterwards. Maybe how they’ll handle this is what really matters. Maybe Alec’s love is enough to help Magnus heal. Maybe. Raphael wishes nothing more for his friend.

* * *

Magnus can feel those intense eyes on him, threatening to crush the fragile protection around himself, laying him bare. He glances at Raphael as he can’t bring himself to look at Alexander, yet. His friend is the safer option.

“You didn’t, I wasn’t asleep.”

Raphael looks a little surprised. “So, you heard us?”

Magnus purses his lips lightly, his eyebrow rising subtly, tilting his head. “Pretty much all of it.”

His eyes flicker to Alexander this time, finding him looking at the ground now, his face a splintered mask. It hurts him, so much, but there’s just so much pain inside of him it might be all that’s left.

He meets Raphael’s gaze again and they communicate in silence for a moment.

“I’ll take my leave then. Call me, any time, whatever you need.” Magnus manages a feeble smile, thanking him with a nod.

He watches as Raphael passes Alexander but suddenly halts and takes a look at him.

“Alec.” He says by way of greeting, walks on and leaves Alec staring after him confused. The door opens and closes and they’re alone.

Magnus doesn’t look away this time when Alec turns towards him again. “Surprised?”

Alec blinks and nods. “I thought he detests me.”

“Not quite. He has a quick temper regarding the people he cares about, not unlike someone else I know.”

Alec’s eyes widen slightly before he glances down, his cheeks a shade rosier.

Magnus feels a sudden twinge, but unlike everything else, it feels soft and pure. He-

“Do you want me to…” Alec gestures to the door, but his features and eyes are screaming that he doesn’t want to go. He said he needed to be here, here and nowhere else.

Magnus shakes his head slowly, taking two steps closer. “I don’t want you to leave. I thought I did, and my mind is… challenged right now. But I… I’m not afraid of you, but I am afraid of what will happen if I keep you at a distance, because I might repress what it feels like to be with you and get lost in my head, my past. I don’t want that.”

Alec takes a step closer, making Magnus involuntarily take one back. He’s surprised, deeply saddened. “I… I’m still going to need some time.”

But this is exactly why he wants Alexander to stay. He doesn’t know much right now, but he knows that he has to find his way back to him instead of widening the cleft between them. Find a way to trust again, in time. He mustn’t succumb to the darkness inside him, he must fight it, however long it takes, no matter how hard it will be. And he knows he has to do that by himself, but it seems a little easier, a little brighter having Alexander by his side.

Alec nods and watches him as he walks around to sit on the couch.

“Are you thirsty or hungry?”

Magnus glances up at him, confronted with Alexander’s desperate plea to be of help in any way he can. Magnus shakes his head slowly, regret gnawing at him for not being able to ease Alexander’s pain in return.

“Do you need anything else?”

Magnus places a hand on the cushion next to him, pointing to the other end of the couch.

“Come sit with me.”

He can feel the heavy air around Alec shifting into relief as he sits, not too far, yet not close enough.

Magnus watches his face carefully as he keeps looking down, and when Magnus’ eyes follow, he spots Alexander’s tightly clasped fingers. He wonders whether they’d be moving in that familiar way he’s come to know if he hadn’t trapped them.

His mind is preoccupied with the conversation he overheard earlier and it’s a welcome distraction from his torment.

“Do you really mean it?”

Magnus is slightly taken aback by his question himself as he didn’t know he was going to ask.

Alec turns to look at him, a frown on his brow and Magnus zones out, staring at the wrinkled skin for a long moment.

He hears Alexander’s voice from a distance and snaps out of it. “What?”

Alec’s smiling ever so gently at him and it makes his heart leap in his chest.

“I asked what you meant… assuming what I told Raphael?”

Magnus nods in confirmation, taking in his unruly hair, eyebrow and cheek scar, his nose dimple and full lips. He’s never seen anyone more beautiful and at war with himself. And he guesses, now he knows that no matter what Alexander does, Magnus won’t love him any less. He didn’t know. He will learn to trust more in himself. Magnus knows it, because he believes in him.

“Every word, I would do anything if I knew it’d make it easier for you. I’m so so sorry, Magnus.”

Magnus nods again, knowing he means it, knowing he meant it before. He needs to trust in him, needs to believe he’s his light that will help him find his own way out of the darkness.

“I’m tired, come to bed with me?”

Alec nods instantly, ready to get up but stopping as he keeps watching Magnus who hasn’t moved. Though he has.

His arm is outstretched loosely, his hand turned upwards, a silent invite.

He watches as Alec hesitates, untangles his hands and slowly, his fingers trembling ever so slightly, slides a hand towards Magnus’. When their fingertips brush and tingles wash over him, and he can tell Alexander feels the same, their fingers tenderly clasping, his heart stutters and he knows he made the right choice, the only one.

**Author's Note:**

> I might write a sequel to this if I get inspired.


End file.
